So James and I (his girlfriend 'the trusted record-bag mule) are off to Australia to explore the nightlife, meet his long lost relatives and, most importantly, see a kangaroo. It's a fact that all good DJ's must eat, but unfortunately those highly developed mixing skills leave no room for table manners.

ADELAIDE

After a 22 hour long drama class pretending to be accordions aboard a Boeing 737, we finally reach Adelaide, our first stop. There, we immediately stretch back into our original shapes and collapse onto a bench while waiting to get picked up by the club promoter... except no-one comes and soon the feeling of being very alone and far from home creeps up on us.
Maybe this whole tour is a conspiracy to deport us to a remote region of the world to make way for newer DJ talents back home. We consider our fate, butdecide to give the promoter a ring just in case. It's in these situations that a DJ's itinerary with all its names and numbers is a real life saver.
Soon after we are in the safe hands of Mal and Annie, who thought we were arriving the following day. After a good 12 hour sleep, we had missed out on the best part of a lovely day, so eagerly hit town to check out Adelaide by night. We see a huge bushman in a ladies swimsuit with a hoolahoop advertising one of Rundel Street's XXX-rated venues, but decidedthat taking pictures would be pushing our luck. I guess it's hard topredict what a bushman with a swimsuit and hoolahoop might do if he got angry...

The next day we miss out on even more sunlight and sightseeing as our bodies are refusing to adjust to local time. Mal and Annie shake us out of bed in the early evening and take us out for a lovely meal before sending James off to do a quick radio interview. And then...

The first gig of the tour! Traffic is a small, but nice, venue with a fairly intimate dance floor. The gallery upstairs is closed for the night, but this a good thing as the small crowd who show up can look like a big one all crammed together on the floor. Like the promoter Mal said, Adelaide is not a city famous for embracing prog and breaks DJs. Still, the people who turn up make up for it all by being great. One thing though, how do you start your set when the warp-up DJ is finishing his set with the biggest anthem of the moment (in this case the Kate Bush track)? Well, you push him away, loop the record before it gets to it's juiciest bit and watch him march off sulking. HA!

Time has come to move on, but not before a very rushed trip to the local record shop to sign their wall of fame. Hey...

PERTH

Next stop is Perth, the world's most isolated city, with it's screaming wild parrots and wet weather. Perth is also the home of several of James's long lost relatives. Whilst they are sharpening their cannibal teeth and planning their attack, we head off to dinner with Peter Kreice who turns out to be one of James's favourite producers. Not only that, this guy is also has the right connections, and before we know it he has managed to get hold of these unreachable producers who have a track on James's 'Sound in Motion' album which desperately needs clearing - result!

The Perth gig turns out to be in stark contrast to the intimacy of Adelaide. Infusion are just finishing their live set with that Kate Bush track again (ok, it's their own tune, we'll forgive them) and a thousand hands are in the hot sticky air, it's a huge night. On our way up to the DJ booth we both stop and gasp. On the wall is a home-made poster, incorporating a family snap-shot and embarrassing text. We soon realize the long lost relatives have been hard at work smuggling this unique gem into the club for all to see (and snigger).

That's what relatives are for, right? They tell you how you have grown and embarrass you in public. What an awesome gig though, people are going mental, although a new and very quirky track by Radioactive Man has them looking sceptical for a while. Even 'Suicide Kat' (yes, that's her email address), a little Taiwanese girl we've met before in Taipei, famous for her very entertaining and excited fan emails to James, is there to see him. It always amazes me how small the world of dance music is. I begin to regret the stupidly high heels after finding nowhere to sit down. With no promoter in sight to help me get home I take a chance and wander the streets of Perth in search of a cab at 5am.

Nearly an our later I finally flag one down and make the cabbies day when I pay him over double the fare by mistake. I was never good at understanding foreign currencies...

Next day, after only one hour's sleep and feeling pretty rough, we are picked up by Uncle and Auntie to go and see Granny's twin sister. Now, James's granny is probably his biggest fan. Her house in Southampton is full of James's posters and flyers. Wearing her home-made "James Zabiela - Number One DJ" t-shirt. She was even interviewed by MTV's hilarious Cuban Brothers at this year's Homelands Festival for being the only granny there.

So, it comes as no surprise to find that her twin sister half way across the globe is competing for the title of DJ Supergran with her display of James's flyers and posters next to the porcelain unicorns and collectable plates. Throughout the day we're seen, touched, photographed and pretty much eaten alive by an endless number of distant relatives. That's the price to pay for being the Zabiela family's claim to fame...

Next day, same again. More relatives. This time the weather is looking good and the search for the perfect kangaroo can begin. After deciding the national parks are unreliable for spotting the wild ones, we cheat and head off to Perth Zoo.

However, there is a slight problem. My biggest wish is to stroke a kangaroo, but being a severe allergy sufferer I'm having difficulty getting close to them. I am about to accept defeat, when Auntie comes up with the idea to get me a latex glove from the restaurant kitchen. Who cares about looking ridiculous when a life-time dream comes true...?

After a few days in the hotel all the night porters know us and let us use the business centre for free. I bet they wouldn't have let us if they ever saw this though....

Before leaving Perth we have a day to ourselves and decide to hit the shops. Bad news for the credit card, good news for the wardrobe! Just a 20 minute ride on the train away from Perth we find Freemantle, a little industrial looking port town filled to the brim with amazing shops, all Australian design and not too pricey either. A nice contrast to our trusted friend, the 'labels-for-less' TK Maxx back home. Just by coincidence we find a copy of Perth's X Press Magazine with a nice little review of the gig: "With posters around the room sporting his boyish good looks and 'Number One DJ' tag, he had a lot of hype to live up to, and thankfully he delivered.... It was a grand night that will hopefully ensure Renaissance's return next year." That poster again!

CANBERRA

With a whole day of flights ahead of us we decided to stay up all night and sleep on the planes. Bad idea. There has been a tornado in Adelaide, and it's still causing major delays for all flights across the South. Just our luck! This is when our laptops come to the rescue and help us kill a whole day of waiting. By now James is in the final stages of writing his first track in Reason 2.5 that he started a few days earlier. I criticize it and James gets annoyed. Oh well...

Finally, by late evening and with just moments to spare before we miss the gig in Canberra all together, we take off into a sky not suitable for aircraft of any size, especially the little propeller toy-plane that we're trapped inside. The high winds caused by the Adelaide tornado take a firm grip and throw it around, much like cats play with mice. It's not funny anymore, I want to get off right now. Help!

Totally exhausted, we finally arrive in Canberra to the great relief of the promoters who really didn't think we'd show up. I have to admit defeat, stumble into bed and miss the gig, hence no photos of the event.

James somehow gathers enough strength to play an amazing set, from what I've been told. One of the promoters, Jeff, makes things a great deal easier from him by delivering a fine warm-up set with no earth shattering anthems or banging tunes. Kate Bush is thankfully absent! If only it was like that every time... The club is small but with a queue outside that winds around the block, it's a very busy night. Once inside the crowd gather around James to watch his every move. It's train-spotter central and the best gig of the tour.

Before we leave icy cold Canberra, James signs the clubs banner, a tradition they extend to all their guest DJs. Sydney next.

SYDNEY

24 hours in Sydney leaves no time for the Opera House, but enough for a great meal in a Thai restaurant with the promoter Ben Korbel and his crew. The food's so good it's worth suffering the cold winter night around a table on the pavement outside. With us is Karen Young, former Muzik Magazine club editor and good friend of James. She is the perfect example of how the happy Australian way of life rubs out all the stress of London, we hardly recognise the girl.

Wow, what a venue. The Arthouse Hotel is a beautiful listed building with so much architectural detail that we get neck ache from looking up. The gig seems promising, the warm-up is nice and groovy, but as James is about to go on disaster strikes. How this happens no-one knows, but as the previous DJ pulls out his headphone jack from the mixer, he some how takes out the entire plug hole too, leaving a gaping black void in the poor old DJM600. All the king's horses and all the king's men finally decide after a 10 minute stretch of silence in the jam-packed club that there's no cure, and fetch the mixer from the upstairs bar. Genius. The anxious crowd go mental when James finally gets started.

Infact, they're so grateful, they even decide to make dancing love to that weird track by Radioactive Man and keep it going for the entire 5 hour set. Stamina!

MELBOURNE

Our last destination, Melbourne. If I were to go and live in Australia, this would be my choice city. The gig is part of a big event, which also features Lisa Lashes in another arena. As you would expect, a good few thousand fairy-winged kids are doing their glow-stick thing. Some of them accidentally get lost on their way back from the toilets and find themselves in our smaller room where James and Hernan Cattaneo are both struggling to entertain a crowd which isn't into their music. Phil K, who's playing in the room upstairs, is having the same problem. Never mind. Not a bad night, just not quite right.

I think James has more fun entertaining the back stage posse with his juggling skills and making Kermit the Hand 'sing' along with one of Hernan's vocal tracks behind the slide projection. One nice surprise is that Mal and Annie, our promoter friends from Adelaide have flown in to see the gig.

Our final night

Phil K kindly asks Hernan and us to join him for a meal in a trendy restaurant downtown. We all giggle a little when Hernan, after studying the exclusively Thai menu asks the waiter for mashed potatoes. I wonder if he's secretly Irish. This is one of those nights where being the DJ's girlfriend means having to listen to a lot of technical babble about Pioneer mixers as Phil & James geek out. It's all part of the package though, can't complain!

And that was it. We reluctantly wave good-bye to Australia, new friends and great times and hope we can come back sooner rather than later.

A big Thank You to Geoff Oakes and Joanna Yusuf of Renaissance for making this tour possible for both of us!

Love

Grete (spoilt DJ girlfriend)